I must admit the tri-fold advertisement wasn’t directly addressed to me (… or current resident), but as the current resident it thusly became my possession. As a simple mailing from Victoria’s Secret marketing department, I automatically excused the envelope as a contender for this week’s best piece of junk mail. As I went to discard it among the rest of my recyclables, I took notice as to the gift card’s wording and was pleasantly confused;
“FREE VS COTTON PANTY.”
Now, as a male non-pervert, I don’t know much about Victoria’s Secret. I don’t casually thumb through its pages or order catalogues under a false name (see Kuhns). I especially don’t know that Victoria’s Secret itself casually abbreviates its name to “VS.” Thus, I read the gift card as “FREE VERSES COTTON PANTY.”
Whoa! What a total mind blow. For a brief second it appeared to me that Victoria’s Secret was giving women everywhere the choice of ‘Freedom’ or the ‘Cotton Panty.’ Again, I know very little about women’s undergarments but I can’t even imagine a pair of underpants so desirable that one would be willing to sacrifice your freedoms (whatever they might be) to posses them. Perhaps that is why the woman on the gift card is wearing only said ‘Cotton Panty’ while looking wistfully away in her barren cell; at the cost of ‘Freedom,’ she chose the ‘Cotton Panty.’
